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    04 april

    some articles lost and found

    Had a chat with an old friend who recently went through a light heartedly handled relationship. Though it was over he realised his blunders and dealt with it like a man, and grew out of it a better person. This is life and we gotta move on, hoping what is meant to be would not slip through our fingers.  Pray that happily-ever-after in neverland is after all heaven on earth to those who love with respect and understanding and courage and therefore no shame no regrets...
     
    It has nothing to do with my articles lost and found but somehow they share the simillar message...maybe it's been no pleasure cruise but still, bon voyage! 

    2008年3月16日

    告别相亲之吐之而后快

    去年7月份回上海后向爸妈信誓旦旦保证会努力解决个人问题。大半年下来相亲不停,尽了人事天意不顺不算我的错倒也博得了爸妈的理解同情不再直接施压。
     
    前三十年接触的圈子都局限在同学家人和同事。回来后同学都已经有了家室,吃完接风饭后义正词严的告诫我不可再和他们已婚人士厮混。家人和相熟的同事呢,纷纷开始致力慈善事业介绍相亲(说是慈善事业是为了有别于8分钟speed date,据说报名费50,生意红火)。回来这大半年的相亲,时刻在提醒自己想开点,就当作观人生百态多认识些人增长人生阅历,补我前三十年之不足。上周在和小孙午餐闲话的时候就说以后一定要把这段人生经历记录下来。
     
    其实,现在我就不吐不快了。晚上吃饭喝鱼汤的时候吞到一根骨头哽着不上不下,折腾半天囫囵吞下很多饭团才渐渐平息,把第二天一家的口粮都几乎解决了一半,平时吃饭都专攻吃菜的。鱼刺在哽吐之不得咽之不下实在不是什么愉快的经历。相亲这类经历留到以后纪念也无益,不如在能吐的时候吐个干净,吐不掉的早点咽下肚,舒畅地哈哈一笑继续我的生活。
     
    说起来每个月都几乎有一次相亲,很多事现在都已经记忆模糊了,就说些印象深刻的吧。
     
    见过一位香港同胞,之前聊得印象还非常好,身为医药公司的财务经理工作努力不满黑暗的制度向往高尚的职业环境和美好的爱情,不知什么原因忽然开始聊起对上海女生的不满,说什么可以date multiple guys而挥洒自如,相比而言似乎还是香港包二奶更有道德意识据说做得鬼鬼祟祟是因为尚知廉耻。我听着暗想是不是曾经受过刺激呀只能对其表示同情,谢谢他说我不像上海人还算是褒奖。。。
     
    认识一位北方男生,自称待人真诚。性格倒是十分豪爽,开口闭口Kao字挂嘴边。还好在芝加哥很是见识过几个同样自认豪爽的东北男生对这个字已经不再陌生,只能先忍着,不想没聊两句就突然问“多久没男人了”??我再也不能把随便当作真诚,也不说侮辱当作豪爽了就算是地域差异吧。
     
    最近的一次是一位同事好心介绍,当时很关切地问我对方年龄比较大介不介意,我想我也一把年纪了能介意么忙说不介意只要人好。人么是同事的前同事的朋友的朋友,几经辗转很难考证了,只能通过亲自接触去了解。相约见面的当晚接到一通电话,被告知对方酒后驾车在隧道被交警拦下当场吊销驾照,似乎来头很大已经有朋友飞奔去救驾了,还说下周就能搞定。我一直以为酒后驾车是交通违章中的恶劣行为,情节严重的还要刑事拘留,扣证也不是个把月就能解决的。我只能想,这种情况向我尽告知义务倒也负责。由于突发事件见面时间推迟到了深夜,到了约定地点远远走来一人顶着光头西装革履,路灯昏暗却感觉整个人闪闪发光可以照亮一个街区。及至坐下开始聊倒也彬彬有礼,还很热情地拿出iphone向我演示各项功能。
     
    在网上和一位朋友聊起时,恍然大悟地意识到其实经历了这诸多奇怪的相亲我也是难辞其咎,已经不再年轻了还不合时宜地讲感觉,自己却缺少包容热心和乐观的心态,永远被动而且缺乏主见,这样的我是不适宜相亲的。还是安心努力工作,祷告祈求缘分天定得之吾幸不得吾命,告别相亲继续作开开心心的自己吧。

    2008年1月24日

    相亲趣谈

    自从新公司block msn后很久没有时间上去聊天了,偶尔回家网上碰到熟人也不如在美国时聊得那么有兴致。这年头有了家室的旧友渐渐淡出msn,contact list上的熟人大半下线状态,偶尔上线聊个两句也很快run out of conversation,关心我的朋友毫无例外地会问起最近有否相亲

    去年年中回来时为了安慰爸妈确实努力过,至少不抵制了,朋友中只要有人好心介绍就从不拒绝吃饭,朋友在场没有压力也不需要没话找话。我真是去吃饭了,享受着重聚的喜乐光顾着和旧友聊天嘴筷不停,事后被问及感觉如何反应往往是“这顿饭不错但是不记得其他了”。。。没有感觉自然就被认为要求高,就这样吃了几顿相亲饭后落了这个坏名声。

    有什么要求?没啥要求,就两个:健康和善良。这是一位过来之人的经验之谈,很有道理。可是操作起来总是被人质疑,健康和善良之外还有太多的领域需要具体化,没要求的要求被设定了无限的可能暗示着最高的境界,批评我要求高可能还是有道理的。

    再有好心人介绍我已经不再积极赴局了,总是反问介绍人就他们对双方的了解是不是适合的一对,这一问往往连饭都不用吃了。介绍的人是好心,不一定对双方都有深刻的了解,有机会就热心撮合。可我的问题得劳烦媒人费神做可行性调研,一个回合后往往以太优秀为由被婉拒,我是省力许多,害得有心做媒之人费心扫兴,就此打消再接再厉的热情。

    继续有热情的朋友纷纷出谋划策,一个说要改变形象,一个说要多出门参加活动,也有说要上网交友,还是有人继续努力帮我介绍。甚至连退休后一心在家照顾爸爸除了股市菜市超市没有其他社交活动的妈妈也忍不住一个双休日趁我不在家偷偷去了人民广场的父母相亲角。据说回来时很郁闷,因为一到就涌过来一堆家长问男孩女孩,一听是女生就作鸟兽散。。。很惭愧对自己的事居然如此缺乏热情,害关心我的人担忧。
     
    YY说像我这样的要不找成功人士要不就找心态好的。现实社会节奏快压力大对成功的定义物质化主观而且没有常态,我怀疑所谓的成功人士会有好心态。我就找心态好的,这样的人生应该可以快乐而成功吧。大家要为我加油哦。  

    2007年1月30日

    The Pursuit of Happyness

    "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" - The Declaration of Independence.

    In the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness", Chris Gardner said it was very wise of Thomas Jefferson to put the word "pursuit" ahead of "happiness" coz this is something you can never take for granted. You gotta pursue very hard for it, and maybe you can never have it no matter how hard you try - That pessimist's mentality of his never stopped Chris from pursuing his happiness though. With taxes and months of rents overdue, with his wife leaving and a 5-year-old son to take care of, Chris Gardner, like many other lower-class African Americans, is struggling to make ends meet and enslaving himself trying to make a better living for the one he loves. Happiness to him is so plain and simple, it is the very moment when he got a job offer as a stock broker with Dean Witter out of a competitive 6-month internship among a group of 20 candidates. It may be even a bit stupid and shallow to the eyes of nowadays well-fed middle class mediocrities, who know little about hardships, get bored easily at handy comforts, and constantly get distracted to interests elsewhere or some so-called better causes in life which they actually know little of.

    To the eyes of those who echo Chris' mind and simple philosophy of life, being a stock broker does not necessarily guarantee happiness, but it nevertheless marks the beginning of a better life for him and his beloved little son; the fact that he outsmarts the other 19 candidates is not what made him happy or the reason for him to feel good about himself, he had to do it in order to survive; being good with numbers and good with people may be a good tool for others to achieve success in career, but to Chris it is a tool he uses with love and an unwavering faith to excel at so that one day he and little Christopher can enjoy the happy life he pictured themselves to live...it is amazing that somehow they were still capable of that signature happy smile of the Gardner's during the darkest days of their life, so naive a smile as if neither of them had ever tasted the bitterness of life and could still laugh out loud at some silly jokes like "god saving a drowning man" or the "knock-knock".

    Some may label "The Pursuit of Happyness" about average, i.e., Hollywood.com rated this film 2.5 stars, while "Curse of the Golden Flower" so far has got a better rating at 3 stars (not sure whether i shall faint or feel proud of it); others may acclaim it to be one of the most touching and inspiring film. The way one sees it sort of reflects the state of existence he pictures himself in his own life, whatever that will be.

    Yes Love is always the theme underlying good stories, call it unoriginal or stereotype or whatever. To me this is exactly what shines in "The Pursuit of Happyness". Without love, Chris is just a mediocre African American trying to work his way up the corporate and social ladder; without love, Chris's smartness and determination will never impress us so as it did in the movie; and without love their struggle and suffer will never touch us so...

    Couldn't help quoting the following from the bible, one about men's entitlement to the enjoyment of simple happiness in life and the other about the significance of love:

    "I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life...So I gave praise to joy, because there is nothing better for a man to do under the sun than to take meat and drink and be happy; for that will be with him in his work all the days of his life which God gives him under the sun....” - Ecclesiastes

    “If I make use of the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am like sounding brass, or a loud-tongued bell. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing… Love is patient; love is kind; love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride; Love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly made angry, it takes no account of evil; It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true; Love has the power of undergoing all things, having faith in all things, hoping all things; Though the prophet's word may come to an end, tongues come to nothing, and knowledge have no more value, love has no end.” - 1 Corinthians

    Somehow the verses in Chinese sound more beautiful and meaningful...Oops it goes astray from the topic again, but who cares, I'll just let it go. Best wishes to those in pursuit of their happiness in life and may love be their everlasing source of energy to go on...

    (6) reacties

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    Afbeelding van Anoniem
    告别相亲之吐之而后快-评论 zegt:
    ML
    March 18 10:43 AM
    下次卡到鱼刺的时候喝点醋。
     
    Gary
    支持一下!
     
    海燕
    March 17 9:16 AM
    从开头第一句到最末一句都超级有同感阿,只不过我碰到的所谓JP没有你的那么强劲,可能以后有机会碰到的,共勉之。。。
     
    小乔伊(Somewhere in Time~守望太平湖边的贫民窟
    March 17 5:15 AM
    感觉还是要讲的。。。
     
    菜肿
    March 16 7:59 PM
    我会努力帮你介绍新货源的
     
    Yong
    March 16 10:10 AM
    抱抱。作为曾有同样境遇的难友。呵呵,真的不用成天相亲,好好生活,然后会有人来敲门的。
     
    Smokyeyes-♓空心狐狸♓
    March 16 9:29 AM
    早就叫你扩大交友圈了,你不肯。
    18 Apr.
    Afbeelding van Anoniem
    相亲趣谈-评论 zegt:
    Georgia
    总算看到你更新博客了~ 有一次星期天上午(北京时间)打你手机想找你聊聊的,无奈手机关机。偶春节的时候再打~~~
    2月3日 6:53
    (http://georgiachen.spaces.live.com/)
     
    Yong
    奉旨留言。。。呵呵,觉得自己说的还是很正确。。。
    1月25日 17:40
    (http://ymmwhenyang.spaces.live.com/)
     
    Gary
    facebook吧... facebook里起码有机会看多这人的一点历史....
    1月25日 13:43
    (http://togarychan.spaces.live.com/)
     
    Natalie
    呵呵,现如今好像是成功人士好找,心态好的反而难找,毕竟前者更能量化一些。。。
    1月25日 13:37
    (http://trifleii.spaces.live.com/)
     
    longman
    Bless!
    1月24日 22:50
    (http://luoshuming.spaces.live.com/)
     
    chris
    加油 ! 加油 ! 你一定会拥有快乐幸福的人生! 
    偶会争取春节回上海,到时候找你出来哦。
    1月24日 21:53
    (http://sissie22.spaces.live.com/)
     
    可可剪报
    哈哈,偶就是那个有了家室的人
    1月24日 17:41
    (http://rwoo55.spaces.live.com/)
     
    Rachel Lee
    共勉
    1月24日 15:58
    (http://rachellee13page.spaces.live.com/)
     
    The legendary Merlin
    oops, 没抢到沙发哦。看过TVB的《老婆大人》么?心态好就象里面的男主角一样吧? 
    1月24日 15:18
    (http://merlinqian.spaces.live.com/)
     
    Smokyeyes-空心狐狸
    是该添点新东西了,加油加油!
    1月24日 14:49
    (http://smokyeyes.spaces.live.com/)
    18 Apr.
    Afbeelding van Anoniem
    The Pursuit of Happyness - 评论 zegt:
    Xiaolan
    This stage of your life is called 痛并快乐着。It's a painful jouney in the pursuit of happiness; it's a long day's journey into the night...way to go, way to go...然路虽漫漫却无需上下求索,人生苦短须尽欢,将进酒,杯莫停,明朝散发弄扁舟。oops,我怎么也写起拼盘姘伴来了...:)
     
    p.s.我还以为你看电影时真的睡着了,都不好意思叫你,没想到啥也没漏掉,高人,高人也,待我也查查弗氏理论之梦的运作,须学了此招才妙。。。
     
    1月31日 3:15
    jaromir-zelta
     
    这么多英语,头都晕了。。。。
    哪天我去看一下这部电影吧,虽然男主角这类事件的成功是个小概率事件(更多的是失败),但是人类的情感是极其容易受到欺骗的,我就去看一下试试看能不能励志一下。赫赫
     
    18 Apr.
    hehe, 都开始出精选集啦 :)
    6 Apr.
    How come your blog articles were lost?  May wanna consider to sue MS :p
    6 Apr.
    Xzegt:
    man, you are so deep now!:)
    Seems you are sort of enjoying life as you still chat with friends from time to time. Feel like I am drowning here...too much work...
     
    take care,
    Xiaolan
    5 Apr.

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